Lately I have been thinking about a lot of different things because I'm at a stage in my life where I need to change. Please allow me to explain.
First things first, I have an addiction. I am a sexaholic. This means that for many years I used sex and lusting to cope with difficulties. Much like the alcoholic or the overeater or the drug addict, the void inside my heart could never be filled no matter how much I acted out. Worse yet, I would inevitably end up feeling worse than when I started. This is the tip of the iceberg.
After nearly decades of shame and secrecy I jumped into the abyss of uncertainty and came clean. It was the scariest thing I had ever done, and thought that giving it up would kill me but instead made I realized that I am loved and worthy of being loved. I finally understood what it meant to have a heavy burden be lifted from my shoulders.
The journey has not been easy, and being back on it once more inspired me to write my experiences. My hope is that I can, as we recite during recovery meetings, "be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with [Jesus] forever in the next." This space will be a place where I'll post my thoughts and experiences, and reflect on how I am surrendering and allowing Jesus to guide me.
I will also share other aspects of my life that may or may not directly relate to being a sexaholic, that shape me into who I am today and where I'll be headed tomorrow.
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