This struck me hard because no matter how much I try (and have tried), I cannot seem to consistently connect with God. I grew up surrounded by religion and earnest people trying to (and apparently) successfully making and keeping positive contact with God. I have never been able to do that consistently enough to feel fulfilled.
I remember being very little and sitting at the dining room table eating lunch with my brothers, and we were taught to say our individual prayers before eating. I somehow learned to just pretend to pay by folding my arms, closing my eyes, and bowing my head, then pretending to pray. I would hold that position long enough to think that I had fooled everybody. I also seem to remember doing that at bedtime when we were supposed to say our personal prayers. Looking back at my life as a whole, those experiences pretty much summarize my experience with building a relationship with God.
I have had experiences that led me to believe that He exists and is everything that I have learned about Him. Here is an experience that I had many years ago. It's not like I don't believe in God or have never felt His presence. However, and especially during recovery, I don't feel close to Him, which makes it hard to comprehend the idea that He can help me. So with that in mind, what is there for me to do? How do I move forward in faith that He can help me?
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